We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
