somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
