I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
