I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
