He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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