I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
