go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
