there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
