Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
