sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
And then my night got REAL pukey
I touched a dick in church today
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
