my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
