I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
