His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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