I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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