someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize