Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My bed smells like the plague
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
