How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
