I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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