Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
