i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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