My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
