She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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