Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
