I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
