i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
