we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
