Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Im part way to drunk.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
