capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
