Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
