One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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