Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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