Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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