you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
