Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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