Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
