Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
