Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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