you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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