miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
