Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
