So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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