So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
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perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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