Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
