Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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