I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
