i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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