I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
