i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
