he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
How external is "for external use only"?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
