the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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