How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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