i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
