if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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