i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
