I think I died a long time ago.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
