I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
