it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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