Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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