I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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