What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
