Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
