I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize