I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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