david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
