Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
