Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
