Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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