we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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