got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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